Sigh

to be nice or not to be. mayb i acting to treat you nice. nvr know. learn from you
*not refering to baydek(spell)

story of baydek makes me/ashley/yijin super angry. funny to think of it.

I Pick Up And Call

photo taking suck. smiles are like shit. my only slping time this few days are in school. i cant really bluf frens that are close. thanks for the concern, ppl who chaoed afternoon assembly again, but i cant hold it back. i am v happy kay:) nvr been so happy before!:) *smiles
the super sad person and super angry ashley, leaving monkey so fustrated. monkey you dont know why she angry.
always high after low. i tell them, I BANG YOU and start talking rubbish. 4 ppl who went to subway perfer me to be sad then hyper. but its like a after thing when every i cry. when i keep quite they, you okay not? when i hyper, then say i crazy. then what am i surpose to do?
i am going to lock my phone soon, not public phone.

reflect and reflect
ending up with nothing
The sun didn’t come up today
This lonely won’t go away
It somehow feels
Nothing’s real
It’s crazy.
How it’s so hard for me to just, call you
And it's a little in the conversations
There isn't anything that you can say
And my eyes hurt
so look at me and listen to me
There is no other way
I get the final say
I don’t know what it is
it’s like my insecurities, my fears
i am a useless person
who is stupid, dumb,bitchy,idiot and more
I know next to you is not where i belong
sigh

Disapointment

i should stop checking my phone like always in school
just make things worst
the more i think the more crazy i get
have you tried laughing and crying at the same time before
you dont know how much i had to hide
fucking hate to cry now
but but but
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
seriously, actually, who am i to bother your things?
i dont even see my stand.
i am nothing to you
and everyone too
i am just born to be an extra
everyt i mean something
no one would believe
counting backwards while the stars are falling

Hush Hush, I Have Alrdy Spoken What I Had To...

school was very boring. chaoed assembly with amelia. nadirah and frens joined us after shortly. super tired, last night nvr even slp. so i just put my DB seat on the floor, alt its super dirty and dusty, dont care abt uniform or hair(:x) and slp like its my bed. flat dwn, really into deep slp until nadirah's super minah songs woke me up. slp for 2 hours. daphne got some troubles with school cos she pon and teacher know. further more, she came to school just to follow me to DB. sorry. and teacher saw her. DB, coaxing the boat was great! i want to be that forever super shiok. i not bad right? first time my directions so good some more mr j nvr teach me:(. leave me alone there to find out how to control. i miss canoeing. db is like boring, but if i do coaxing i dont mind.
ppl say i turning blond :( my hair colour is like...&%!@^%#$@( blonds are stupid, thats wat they said.
Now I sit all alone.Wishing all my feeling was gone. I gave my best to you. Nothing for me to do.
:( i know i dont seem to care, my is acting number one. killing me. sigh

love you big time alt you got B.O after trainings, you and your ugly photos.

):

mixed feelings.
i have got a question,.................nvm.
that was enough to shut me up
unsure.
sigh.

edited
HBD pamelia. 15! you are the only most free girl that translates my japanese words into english!
while kao is the only person in the whole world that constantly makes me angry!

ちょっと、昨晩考えている私を得た。 他の女の子とあることを私に言ってはいけない。 私はちょうど自分自身を殺す。

Friends?

Really disappointed in you. went up wanted to apologise(for what i also dont know) but what i saw just made my mood change. Just say you have to go, instead of hiding? i will understand and not get angry. anw, i don't attitude/ be angry easily. it doesn't take much to open your mouth for opinions/ views/ comments. gold mouth you have? mayb we have left you out? idk. sorry if i did. alright, enough, very tired of this. super sad.
my friends come and go. not once, twice, but more then that. some of them, i dont even know if i can call them, friends.

i am stupid. subject(s)'s grade was like shit, alt i studied. eh, i did okay, seriously!

HELLO

saw NF's blog yesterday abt that njc coach, then jaslene told me also. hope he rest in peace.

over to bedok reservoir(i think) to run later with pig. hahhah okay jk. my aim is to run everyday every night:) and do my exercises before i bath:)

CAT

copy copy. everyday copy. get a life. be original. nabei. i would have rather not be your friend. go home and slp lah. acting= number one.

anw, ah ong ah, stop changing your blog url can?!

Secret

i really do hate you
but when you fell dwn
it makes me sad
cos you are hurt
idk

thanks alot for shouting at me
dont go back to your old self.
tyvm

pamelia sibei chio.
happy?

Daphne thanks alot
i am not escaping by laughing to myself
i am so stupid to just realise it

言う何を、私は信じる。
しかしすべての事実、
信じてもいい私はあなたを私の目の前にあるか。
私は実際に愛する。
can i really?

survived today's crazy training, with only 3 hours of slp and no breakfast:( , and off i go. run after row was crazy. run to near flyer there. super far. 3/4km? outer route there was longer then inner route. duh. okay. slack with Ashley. i was like annoying her with my ahma exercises moves and singing. 2 by 2 sprint back at the bridge made my heart feel weird/ pain? anw, good job everyone.
i got 3 different tan lines. one, my own skin(white?). two, green Jersey(light brown). three, red Jersey(super dark brown). like Adidas. really. haha
tired:(

Rewind

back to the past
when everyt was unsure
but at least i was happy
turn time back to where we are now
things change
people change
why is everyt changing
is there somet called happiness
all i can say is there is but
not for me
only me alone

yeah if only i could turn the hands of the clock
back to the happy memories i had in life
reality hits you on the face
you cant turn the time back

Dysphoric

Pamelia got some issues with me! she gets happy when she got higher marks then me, happy when i eat fattening food, happy when i am unhappy, happy when ever she's better than me ): hello my friend ): me sad sad, you like that ): its just i dont show k ): *dont get angry when you see this, i am just saying it. zZzzZZzz

Home econs, i got nthing to say abt her. ppl, relax luh k? she cant be like that forever. later she see my blog i just die okay. jealousy kills eh? chill pill for you?

missed):

MALICIOUS

Repeating in my head, saying, telling, warning, bitching, advising.
Compare, concluding the results of me being inferior.
Unique you would say about the other?
Down to my feet, face to face with it.

HAHAHAHAH
isnt this funny?
ps, i didnt fight with anyone.

NEXT TO YOU.

Out with Andrea today. so long since the last time we went out. both bus trips were like heart to heart talks and sharing what we have gone through. yeah, we got same conclusions :) we have got a sad life eh:( *omg, both of us on diet!

Nxt bus trip, back home alone, saw an accident. already happened before i saw what have happen. luckily or else i will faint. saw this old Indian lady lying on the floor. like the face facing dwn:( hope she is alright. *prays..... life's so fragile, the person nxt to you, being so dear to you, might be gone the next moment, before you realise it. dont you just agree with me?

ISSUES WITH MYSELF

edited
this is not a song-.-

i dont know why
always i look at the light at the side of the blah
i start smiling to myself
mayb i was just think
what did you said to yourself?

you hiding from me
i hiding from you
both hiding from each other
doing things that cant let each other know when caught
pretending actions take place(omg)
keeping things from me
faking stories ( you did, i didnt)
telling me you dont want to be what you use to be
as it wasnt serious ( now you are ah ?)
and its a sin ( whatever)
dont tell me you are the best
and the i am Innocent okay kind of shit
you are like 2 in 1
sadly to say
deep down i know you better than anyone
no one will believe, agree what i said
i know can already:)
hahahahhaha
you so malicious
oh no, how now?
faster go worry abt this

i dont learn from my mistakes
always telling yourself
yay, am not gonna do it again
but the next day,
you forget what you have told yourself
and let the same mistake repeat itself
hey!
you just lied to yourself
people are like that
and its their nature that cant be changed
i admit it myself

tyvm
you joined me
bitching like there's no tmwr
no one's perfect.
only me:)
hahah no jk.

character analysis
i am literature student okay!

i am not talking abt any one tho.
i was just thinking, reflecting <- sounds familiar daddy! haha
aiyo later ppl think i talking abt them, angry with me i= *sad sad
it's just myself
and mayb i might be referring to my imaginary friends:)
i have been editing this for like thousand times and now its 10.18pm -.-

mayb you might be thinking its you(its not)
or mayb you find this useful for yourself
who knows?

anyone with problems:
no one can help you
only, you can help yourself

thanks for looking at my post
now i need chocolates :(
going to swim now(10.35)
complain complain, talking to myself * noisy
madness
BAI.

UP TO YOU.

back from 4.3 run:)
everyt i run i will have the same topic to think abt. wtf
happy cos my stamina still there, speed? idk. hahah
last time i dash but i got walk, today i slow but didnt stop:)
hahhaha
run 26 min while kao 27!
she very funny
say her tyre want to flat liao
wanted to laugh but if i did i cant run anym
so we just run our own spd, throw her at the back!
breakfast after with her parents:)
then sent me home:) *nice nice
hahahah

whole day rot at home):

Fuck

fucking angry
actually i was nice telling my mother who i was out with
but dont know whats her fucking problem go ask my sister wherethe she knows that girl
wtf lah, hate her know.
now on, no matter i go out with daphne/pamelia/angkao/who ever i will make names for them.
seriously cant tahan her.
cb.

TRIP

vivo->sentosa->vivo->NLB->bugis->home

1. macs
2. sun was hot hot today,volley ball, sun tan, swim, Frisbee.
3. eat dumplings:)
4. studying while i was walking ard.
5. eat eat eat eat again
6. homed
-its bad for your health to eat 3 meals a day. fattening. shitzxzx
-i am like lobster now, cos i think my skin forget how the sun felt like after the short break.
i took off my jacket and my maid was like omg. hahahahahah hope friends have their tan too :) thats want you all wantted what right?
-freaking tired.

exercise exercise
tmwr going jogging with my angkao at bedok reservoir, 8am. so happy :) hahahha

I promise you.

TIRED

): x1000000

i want to vomit on you now.
i got headache
i feel like i am going to die.
i hate shopping and thats why i have very little clothes.
and always nothing catches my eye
and then i would only buy esprit pants to wear, like all of my pants only from there zzZZzzZzZ(wenna say pasir malam)
the Truth is that i hate going out with my mother, alt i dont have to worry abt money
she ah, see everyt, want evert, esp. soft toys omg *faint

anw, xiexie angkao for helping. ai ni worxs! hehhehehhe *shy shy

HEY HEY!

joey ang zhu er!ahahah why you copy my picture post?! hahahah okay nvm:) hahahahahahah i total agree with you. wa your words so touching and ture seh! everyone go view! cool:)

i actualy miss everyone): huh? always laugh at me when i cant pronounce get int your push up position?! funny ah! hahahhaha i miss coach suaning me): looking and counting when i did dips. and using the fatherly voice calling, ling ah you dont keep complaining. i miss sonya): my barbie girl): hhah all the crazy things we do tgth when we were partner. hahahah hy, for her weird laughter. ashley for her, wa lau(got this voice for it!) hahaha yijin for staring at me and suddenly brusting out into laughter. belinda for always asking me to keep quite. sylvia for always scolding for not being serious. k4's collection of bedok reservior water and passing dwn the bottle drinking it, tasted so good cos we were thirsty. singing and rowing, purposely capsizing (<-k4 famous for that) hahahah daphne sun tanning, sherie trying to talk to me, but i cant hear cos she too far away from me. every one freaking out when we see ppl wake boarding cos of back wash.. sec 2s for gossiping with as abt ahem ahem! hahahahha sec 1 for always making me ka chong, pissed with you all but its okay. hahhaha i think we are really very lucky to have coach as our coach. he gave us the best, olymic class boats/paddles. really appreciate it v much. and the two coaches for like coaching us. huh and everyone always rotation say what bet i cant keep quite for 5 mins, still time! wth-.- hahahahah many many much more lah.

see we always complain complain abt long hour trainings blah blah blah. but now when training really stops, everyone is like missing it so much. hahahahh
aiyo, dragon boat starting everone can perpare to die. dirty kallang water.

LOVES

click to enlarge! hahah

i miss everyone, everyone in that picture and of course K4! :( plus some more, i dont have your all the pictures): instead of studying home econs i was doing this on my phone! hahhaha actually i miss daphne the most:x hahahhaah

what we do during trainings, laughing like some idiots, and laughing at hahhah you-know-who (fat ahem), singing, me bully you, hitting your head and you say that you forget what you had studied cos i hit your head and then your brain cells dont know how many percent die-.- , we bitching/gossiping/ being rebelious towards sonya/coach/huiying! you saying some weird things when i push you, we imagining angkao and qq climbing trees and many more things i can only imagine when i am with you. getting scolded becos you hit me i hit you back/laughing/talking/ playing, not listening, ALWAYS! during debrief, there's like 1001 more things i can do only with you. and thanks for being there for me when i am sad! hahahahhaah love you most, sherie second, sorry sherie aiai): hahha angkao third! hahhaha followed by the rest

unglam of the most unglam
daphne the pig face, angkao the mad monkey, sherie the slping beautiful ( sorry lah i go make you, then everyone laugh) ):
i think i am gonna get killed by them:x rrrrrruuuuuunnnnnn....

LIFE OF REGRETS

webcam with angkao yesterday. hahahah super funny. alt, she didnt have webcam. hahah was using the lappy. hahah now i only on the com. not both. hahaahah and angkao said i got screwed up hair): haah and i was shouting at her like lots of time. hahahhah webcam you later kkk? :) ahahha okay blog abt you liao

my brother bought new phone cover for me. alt, its only really nice, but thanks:) hahah

and to the mother. hahhaha eh seriously thanks:) kay, the heavy stone in my heart has been removed:) hahhahha xiexie x10000 and yeah everyt also must think positive eh friend? hahah be on standby ah! ahha

so tired): woke up at 10am today for my music lesson-.- haha and the teacher came only at 11.50! zzzz my eye lid very heavy): gonna slp later:) aha

私は見せかけ終わっている :(
hehehe you dont know whats this:) ask me:) hhahaha
igotthingstosay,butiamgonnaputtheminmyheart

BYE):

hahahah spot the extra! hahahahah plus whats with my mouth?! hahhah whatever

:( when i see my maid hug my father, she cried, i cried. when she hug the other maids she cried. i too just cant control. :( on the way to the airport my sisters were like, who cry must treat the rest to eat. so of course i didnt want to play-.- but they were like nvr mind luh, just now one not counted-.-her bags were like 32kg. ahahah my mother bought/gave her lots of things! plus gave her money again before she go in. so when she went in, i huged her like i didnt want to let go:( saying sorry to her for always asking her to go to die whenever she calls me up in the morning, for everything i did to her. :( she kissed me and ask me to be a good girl. everyone was looking at me like some freak cos i was crying like a river-.- my sisters called me retarted! okay i dont want to rmb what happen already lah. depressing:( she went home cos her husband and her got problem:( fucking hate guys! oh ya she fainted in the morning(heard from my another maid) omg. hope everyt will be fine for her back there and she will be safe:( pray pray pray:( wasinah, esther will miss you:(

running with sisters was great. but wat pissed my off was my big sister cheated! asshole. hahahahhah

KNOCK YOU DOWN

3-1=2maids :( so sad

where's my future?
if you say so, then i would be relieve

COURAGE

i got werid face:(

mother said she wanted to bring my friends for movie treat-.- so ask angkao,jasmine,elaina,rachel to go:) ahahhahahaha walked ard pp first. bus trip there was filled with rubbish. die for love and love to die blah blah movie = ramen girl! funny. hahha puchiiiii(spell?)hahahhahah

left with with math paper 1/2 plus home econs:)

not feeling any better...

HAPPENED

i dont know whats wrong with me.
i gotta learn to be strong and hold back the tears.

あなたが いなくて 寂しい気持ちになりました
japanese snacks are like so nice:)
daphne ong!
you you!
hahah future teller
omg, you know what i mean-.-
hahha gross x100000

my sister eats like a cow i swear. she eat dinner already then she go eat like dessert then after a while i see her cutting apples then she go eat like chips. omg-.- hhahah okay so i was studying with her last night, then she suddenly hungry again-.- then i told her we go and eat roti prata aft we study finsh. then she scared my mother scold. hahha so the super nice me told my mother that i was going jogging at like 10pm. hahah but before that i put rafia string dwn my window. (my idea :) )cos later if i walk up my mother will see. hahhah so i went dwn then i came tie the plastic bag to the string. hahhaha then i went up to pull-.- the thing up. my sister at the side laughing like some mad woman. at least that was the only time i was back to my normal self. i told you so, you have got better frens then me:) hahhaha okay, i have got to keep myself busy so i wouldnt think abt crazy stuff that makes we go woooohoooooo. hahahhahahahahahaha :) :) :)
cos i want to a stop crying my self to sleep every night and waking up crying, regretting what i have done. and when ever i cry the presence of my sister makes it worst...........