?

ahh, today. woke up at 12 plus watched my drama slp again at 3.30 woke up at 6.45 cos hazel called or else i might still be sleeping which is not a good thing. didnt bath so bathed at 7.30. drama again and then i helped hazel with the EOY papers till like now? feel so good to help someone:) rly. buttttt, i am going training tmwr and i haven sleep yet. which is not good at all. NIGHTS ALL. :(

if not for this, i would be disturb, waking up early. yeah, she didnt play:) hahah

haah yeah:) oh, i rly think i got spelling disorder. like seriously. :(

i know right, i know you dont what and that why.

Ahhhh, monday onwards i am going backkkk. god, i would be the last of the last. AHSLEYYYYYY, hahahahhaha i am coming :) fucking stress abt the thing mr j ask me to consider :( i rly dont know luh. everyt also failure luh me. happy? vvv.
oh guess what? joey just told me there is 4.3 every training. i would be crawling on the floor. fuck x3 how now, no rly, how now? :(((((((((((((

Alittle too much isit?

TIME.

Sucks to be me.

Cant wait for tmwr. 7 pages of ss for 1a and b was good today:) tmwr math P1,P2 bio and chem. GOD save me. zZzzZZZzzz i am quite bothered about this, all the lesbians. hahahhahahha not good at all :( i am feelingggggg this :) i need someone to talk to. hey you, dont be affected, for what?! byebye.

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

i hate camps. i rly do. Always, as much as i hate it, i still have to go. my mother is not a cool one. sucks. why am i not slping ah? tmwr wake up at, eh, idk. shit. i need to call emelia to ask. wl, childish games, heavy bag, stupid food, hard floor, f-ed up bathing system, idiots stupid cheers, boring talks. i wished you have died so that i can stop this addiction. god also cant save me. i have decided, up to you to accept. too bad. what time now man.

): i am like not aslp. ): -3.30am shit

Long, but just read.

I really like my creation, DONY aka Daphne ong ning yuan. Hahahaha. Love the name (not the person) to the max! Ahahha okay jk. Hahahaha. Lurb lurb you also.  WTF, I knew it. Pls say I am smart. Nbcb girl, I told her we won't last. You wouldn't want to listen. We both know that it's gonna end someday, sooner or later. Duh right? It's like omg, the bond against rain and even the strongest waves, it's won't part, maybe this relationship was built to last. But later, we found out that we ain't meant to be. But as human beings, we often lie to ourself, we might put others before ourselves, not wanting to hurt them, but actually, we are the ones who are hurting the most deep down, suffering in silence.  Yeah, put the one you love the most before yourself. Isn't that what we always do? But now, we fall apart and we start to think back, we might not be able to let the other one go, this is too much of you to take it, we have committed too much in this, this is far too hard. But wait, no one said that it was an easy journey in the begining. what to do now. Just hope for time to stop for you, so that you won't be left behide. Everytime we think, we get an extra mark on our heart, everytime we try to feel again, it feels numb, everytime we talk, we talk abt the past that we can't let go.  Every time we try to love again, we rmb how we Once had a hard fall. And with all these we get hurt once again.  We put the blame to ourselves, fighting over whos fault isit, trying to make up to everyt, hoping we could heal all these wounds we have cAused to ourselves. So what if its not our fault? We still take the blame. Ppl ask us to get over each other, but actually, things are more easy said than done. Your frens get so pissed with all the emo shit you give them. You feel even worst, now, who can you turn to, to just leNd a pillar to leen on, to cry on, a listening ear to be there. Ppl might say you become another person. Ppl say time can heal everything, time can prove everything, just give yourself time. You think this is fucking not gonna be true. You won't be able to get over. But, sadly, it's true.  Why make yourself suffer? (bitch, i should have realise earlier) we GIVE UP our future, our money, our blood, our energy, our time, our heart, ourselves, our dreams, our friends, our family, just to make the other one feel better. 
Wa, the worst of all, is when you might need to face all this alone, the other one might not even give a fuck abt you. Trying to attract all the attention, just for the super-little-attention, the other might give to you, with that fucked up attitude. Love's always pleasant in the begining, all the awwww-so-sweet-flowery-words but in the end, it turns so ugly. Always like that.  Go on, blame the world for being unfair. Life's always unfair. Two words, FUCK LOVE. I might have more to say, but, forget it. Me and have changed, but we are still the same.   

Hahahahha omg, WTF I talk say. No time, no time, no time to give a fuck abt these lah hor you. Haha I just felt like saying these. Hahaha don't siao siao, I am serious manzxzz. Haha I am loving my-fat-self more than anyone. HHahah when we want the best of both worlds, we often end up with nthing. Don't you agree. Hahahaah now, feel how I feel, yours a lighter one, mine might be tripple. My ma-de bring me to go massage(spelled like that?) ahhaha yeapiiiiii. Hahahahaha bodyaching): cb, my phone Internet AGAIN): and the time): ZzZzzZzz  

Side note, baby PPP! Oi, angry ah? Hahahaha stupid bitch, I am gonna get her when I pass my test. Cos she bitch what. 2in1. Human and dog. Hahahaha 

Why put yourself in misery?

BBQ was quite a disappointment. Haha okay sorry lah, I know ALOT of effort has been put in. Ahhaah anw, ty Elaina. Ahhaha fucking high just now, too much caffeine intake. I can't wait for the retest to be over so many things to do. I feel like joining some Africa tribe grp. So I can pierce my every where. Hahahahaha. Shit, I going to church camp on sat at hougang/sengkan/whatever ulu place. Hahaha but I am
not staying over. The reason is simple, becos I dream that, that place is haunted, and the church person also got tell us somet before abt it. Shit): 3 days 2 nights, you know i am gonna lie. Hahah but actually it's not quite of lies. I gonna tell them I got sensitive nose, which is true. That place is like super dusty. Omg. You can just die. and I gotta study So I can't stay over. Hahaha cool right me. I hate camp ESP church camps, I would rather be a nun for 3 days and pray in the church, rather than going to the camp. GOD.

I might be a little slow and Some times even down syndrome but I might know. To the end. THE-END. Okay I am so mean, being an ass man. Hahaha

edited
omg, you know I have to stop using my phone's Internet. Every night I can't slp I use and it's not like I go unlimited/capped Internet. Wl, my mother today slping with me. Best, to add on to my slp less night, her snores are like the sound of train. Omfg. Can't stand ppl who snore. Slp properly luh. ZzzzzZzz.

Do you know?

Awww, actually, I am enjoying life. Hahaha no cca=slp late late. But it has it's pros and cons. Haha I miss trainings tgth with k4, I miss team mates. Kimberlyn, expected that you all will miss me. Haha Ashley also say okay. Sigh, What is life without Esther right. Jk! Omg, feel the loveee. I like all these things that is new on the phone man. Hahaha tmwr is 203'09 class party at the beach! hope it would be sunny and not raining yeahness. I am gonna study hard for the retest. But if I retain, i wouldn't be sad, becos I know I have tried my best. Okay * touch wood. Hahaha Oh yah, my mother buying me a doggy if I pass the test! Hahahahaha(:

Nothing is too hard.

Cooking lesson (:

wohoooo, today we bake bread and make tiramisuuuuuu at phoon huat today! hahahah -happiness-
nxt month i going to kitchen culture! haha cos my mother buy the ovens there, they give lesson? i think. hahahhaha yeah x2
wl, i am like getting more and more aunty-ier everyday):
i have to study and stop playing soon.
my mother beat and chase me infront of my frens yesterday): pspspsps

the best way to stop talking to a person is to delet their number. as childish as i can be, i always do that when i am angry cos it helps. oh no how? what is your number ah. i dont want to make enemies but i also dont want to get too close. not good at all. dont say until like its my fault!

but the problem is, no matter how angry i am with PAMELIA, i still cant delet her number cos its *right click, auto saved into my brain! hahahah okay luh, you are the only one from our school, which i can rmb your number. happy not? hahahahahhaha i shall tell everyone your number 973006** hahhaha right right (:

I miss hammy so muchhhhhh. uhhhhh.

i dont really shit, yeah becos all the shit come out from your mouth. Baby P was talking abt this. hehehe i so smart shoot her back. Dont angry/sad sad alrdy luh, aiyohhhh, i should have done it!

meeting babies for breakfast tmwr morning before school(:

Maybe?

Open my drawer and i found all the IC photos!

(: your picture here means i love you more than i love myself hahahah ok cancel out my face insert siti in.

hahahhaha this one look like i die alrdy then enlarge the picture. the bangs one look so........

anw, i think samantha's picture look v cool, hahahahahah dont even look like her!

today i am gonna study and i am looking forward to today's dinner! (: yeah

this is for myself, not anyone. okay maybe for baby P and S also.

I cut my hair short today ): x100

oi, why you want to slp isit?

yeah! all the pictures on face book alrdy (:

RETAIN

If i have realise that my future was more important than any problems and not help people cheat during exams. now you are gonna be okay, what abt me? shouldnt be so nice. what do i get in the end?

yay yay, ms tan said i improved but still. my shit results last time, helping of friend during test pull me all dwn. Right dwn to the floor.

TP course ended. no more food): fun and interesting but boring at the same time. get it? cant wait to upload the pictures!

And to that toot toot pam. thanks for your msg ah.
STUDY IS YOUR TOP PRIORITY. you must always remember that you're a full time study and not a full time lover.
what is full time study?
i know you will miss me): no more loud hailer, you not happy meh?

OH NO!

SentosaTP, hotel 1929 and amber, majestic hotel. tmwr's last day. what we have done, 10000 lectures, tutorials, sungei buloh, hotels, trip to sentosa with pam for individual project. tmwr, group project, test(wtf) and handing up self reflection.

While i am enjoying myself in the sentosa forest, teachers are putting me into a list , to see if i can scrap through. how smart? studied seriously and also hard, but still only passed 3 sub which is the requirements, but idk what happened also. FML seriously.
actually i am not rly sad cos i know i put in effort but my results are still like-that-loh. NB. how to start now? (:) what do you see happy or sad? fate is in my hands, to see if i am retaining.

shit yeasterday i just slp through, okay no. v lazy. hope my presentation tmwr will be alright, my mouth better not have polio): hehehehe going to hotels tmwr! wohoo. -ihateneightbourhoodschools- they are like mute ppl.

Last minute.

so tired): oi! heheh today i went to sentosa): and i went to images of singapore, inside alone, scare the shit out of me!): pamelia luuh): nvr go inside with me cos she not doing that and need money): bath, slp, wake up at 10 ltr. pamelia, wait for me to send you the pics k. poly life is like, wtf. so tiring and so messy.

No destination

Search through my files from the past, the fugly times, the memorable time. i got her photo pictures sia. why? i also dunno. hahahahahahahah omg omg omg. hokay hokay.?! hello? hah

awww, daphne, eu tu mean de world tu miiii. hahahah mi tu euu kkk. hahahi love this pic man. haha

my sleeping beauty

omfg

your bf and you. huh? now what happen. your pek pek. ahahaha
best of the best
i kiss you back kay. zilian zilian. tsk tsk
why your face like that

daphne the bunny.

i let you spot the donkey

pekaboo

face like gangster haha

hahha last time last time, stupid china): die alrdy. hahaha she see this i die. hahaha qq!
hehhehehe

hehhe sec tuuuuu. hahah going there soon this week. -.- hahhaha

Pictures together. super cool.

Babies, i guess this shows that i miss you, all.

ahhh, i guessed i have changed quite alot since sec 1. i click through all my blog post, all the memories, i miss them and definitely, i would hold them close to my heart. i miss it, them, you, she, us. Did i rly use you? hate it when my sister spill the beans. i once tot that i could do things my own way, now i realised that i cant, i am rly useless and i didnt treasure you when we were close, i took things for granted and now, its gone forever. how about this now? fuck it.
tmwr, tp at 8.30. ppppp is coming over so my mother can fetch us. omg, imagine me bra less. shhhh

Hate It When My Hand Shivers ):

And yet again, i wrote about friendship this English eoy exam. ): ph, scolded me sia, cos i just handed up my, untidy(trust me) and written in pencil draft for the last page. ): but she said it was very well written. emotional sia. so embarrassing.

Throw All Of My Problems Away

wenna! hahhah eh, i got good results for my FnN even though this time, i didnt teach you. can you still rmb what i taught you?! vitamin D! ahhhhh, so long nvr talk to you alrdy ):

so this time its my fault you didnt score what you want? becos i am the teacher's pet? everything that goes wrong is becos of me? now, what did i do wrong? huh?you do your paper i do mine. is my cooking that bad that i dont deserve that marks or the really hard work i put in studying doesnt even help cos even if i score badly, i will still get gd marks, cos i am the teacher's PET?! dont put your mistakes into other ppl's action. why? you know, i am very sad? so what am i suppose to do? tell the teacher to just fuck off? or like ask her why i get this marks? i dont get you, i guess i would nvr. am i suppose to remain as the famous esther that everyone know? you tell me, if i get good results, would you be happy for me? must i always remain where am i? i am so upset becos i rly put in the effort to study, slping at 3, eating panadol cos i felt like vomiting and had headache. i didnt expect you to say abt me, becos i treat you as a gd fren and you know this is the first time i rly studied after being distracted by stuff? i pulled my chair beside yours becos you look sad, tried to help you get more marks, okay one more mark. is this how i should be treated? i rly dont know what to say. maybe jealousy really kills. sigh.
i might as well just fail everyt, to make you feel better. quit school, get into trouble. maybe then, you would be contented. right?

training today, !&(%#$)*! fatness is engulfing me and i can feel the effects of so long nvr do anyt. shit! i want to die